Here we go again....

Ok so I write this as my parents are in a train on their way up here and after spending a good portion of the day yesterday at the nursing home. So.... Grandpa isn't doing so well. I went down to see him because I said (on the blog) that I was going to make the concious effort to get down there more often and because I was hearing from mom and dad that he wasn't doing so well. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Grandpa was laying in bed... I dont think I have ever seen grandpa in bed in the nursing home at all or in his room for that matter. He was always rolling around in his real wheel chair hanging out with people and keeping the nurses on their toes. Well now they have one of those special reclining wheel chairs for grandpa so they can keep him out at the nurses station when nobody is there with him. He was in his room and in his bed and although he tried to talk to aunt linda, brenda and I there was just no getting through. I couldnt' understand anything he was saying... it was so hard. Apparently his kidney's have begun to shut down and he is affixiating so he is not really eating or drinking. It seems like a double bind to me... you can't survive more than like 3 days without water and fluid but when he drinks some of the time the fluid is going directly into his lungs so in essence the drinking is drowning him. I dont know it seems like he should be on an IV or something for fluid but aunt linda says he will haunt her for the rest of his life if she does that. He told aunt linda that he wants to go home. Where he can sit on the porch and grow his cucumbers. He's staring off into space a lot. It's like he sees people or things in the room that none of us can see. A little creepy but interesting and intriguing all at the same time. I suppose that could be the dehydration and the hunger as well. Oh yeah and they keep him sedated day round so who knows what can be attributed to the drugs as well. Dad and mom are on their way up here and I have to pick them up around 3 and take them down to the nursing home. Aunt Linda called dad last night and told him that the home called her at work and told her that they thought he was having a heart attack so she rushed down there but she found him fast asleep so who knows. All of this followed a phone call I recieved the night before I went to the nursing home....

A friend called me up on thursday night and told me that my friend TJ from school had passed away... no way unbelievable I actually tried to convince his best friend that he was lying to me and that it didn't happen. He was studying abroad in Japan and apparently he became ill... went to the clinic... and all they did was give him tylenol and he later passed away. His parents flew out visit with him and they found him dead in his dorm room.... that's the story I heard although there have been a lot of them but I tend to believe this one because Chris who called me heard it straight from TJ's parents. I don't know. Life is just too weird sometimes. 3-4 deaths in a 2 month period is just too much for me to deal with. It's weird... there is always something about the deaths of young people that drive me over the edge. I had a friend who died in High School due to a car accident and I honestly wasn't too close to her but she was in my gym class that year because she had moved back from Florida... my mom said that we used to play softball together and we were really good friends when we were little... sleep overs' and all apparently and I dont remember any of this... weird but anyway... that funeral hit me like a ton of bricks... nothing seems fair in life after seeing this... and I will be trying my damnest to go to TJ's wake and funeral but I don't even know what's going on with my own family right now. I hope that I get to go and say goodbye... I really do.

Another interesting tidbit....
Last night I get a call from an ex who shall remain nameless... Apparently there is an undeveloped camera floating around from New Year's 2004. Said Ex, myself, TJ, his then boy, and my friend Jen's brother: were all at my house to celebrate that new years... things were bitter between me and said ex shortly there after and things turned bitter between TJ and his ex shortly there after so TJ and Ex decided not to develope the camera because they were both so bitter about the "failed relationships".... EX is now developing said camera... with and I quote "Incriminating photographs of all of us on it" ... I don't know how comfortable I am with this really. I like as little of that stuff out there as possible of me... I am in a relationship... I am happy... yes I did something I regret with said EX... which not everyone and their mother knows about and NO I DO NOT WANT THE PICTURES DROPPED OFF IN THE OFFICE FOR ME!!! but yeah... I do have dibs on all the doubles.. I dont think I have a single picture of TJ so it would be nice to have. god I can't wait to see this....
So there is my life in a nutshell lately... hopefully everything will work out but in the mean time... leave me some love :)