Grrr... Easter

Ok so for those of you who know me you also know that I dislike Easter emencely. Well the easter maddness continues for me. I am really nervous and worked up right now and since nobody is home except for me and the 6 year old I figured the blog was my next best outlet. I was sitting around tonight thinking about all that is going on and I realized.... IT'S EASTER SOON!!!! Ok so why don't I like Easter... here is the list of the top 3 Easters in my lifetime (In Chronological Order) ...

8th Grade: The night before Easter my Grandfather (Mom's Dad) gets sick... prognosis not so good... he manages to pull through but still the most tramatic event in my life thus far.

9th Grade: Easy Easter... need I say more if you know me you know what this is in reference too!

Sr. Year of College: The day before Easter my Grandfather (Dad's Dad) Passes away.

So needless to say I am not too fond of the holiday. Well this year all good things on the horizon... it's the sunday before Jess and my Dad's birthday, I am scheduling a trip home for a couple days after Easter, I will be starting my full time job with the YWCA that week. All good things... so needless to say I wasn't thinking much about the bad... well while I was sitting here alone tonight worrying about my nana... my great-grandmother who is having surgery tonight and who has been in and out of the hospital on what seems like a pretty regular basis lately I realized... "SHIT EASTER" it's just a bad omen that's all. That is now what Easter means to me in my life.. the realization that something bad is going to happen. That there will never be an Easter without a tragedy. Well as you can well imagine it made me pretty upset to even think about it and now I am sitting here thinking to myself... should I plan to go home earlier, what should I do, why hasn't my mother called with an update yet? I'm really glad that we have planned to stay home for Easter instead of going to Bren's mom's or currently my mom's we are just planning a quiet Easter in North Tonawanda with Aunt Ellen, Uncle Ken and family. A part of me really just wants to tell Brenda she needs to go into edukids and make sure that she can get that monday off and head down to my mom's on saturday instead so that I can be home for Easter and make it down to Jersey earlier to see Nana. Although I do realize that this is not as easy as I wish it was. I just want to know what's going on, I just want to have an Easter that doesn't feel like it's the end of the world. I want to be 6 again when Easter meant baskets full of candy, egg hunts, and family... not where it means... oh shit what else could possibly go wrong right now... yeah I know there's nothing like a pessamistic attitude but sometimes you just can't help it. For me... Easter is that time when it just can't be helped. grr....EASTER!!!!!!!