Sunday, February 27, 2005

"Beauty and the Beast..."

You scored as The Beast. Your alter ego is The Beast! But that is only a name... you are kind hearted and sweet, people just misunderstand you.

The Beast




Donald Duck








Sleeping Beauty


Snow White


Cruella De Ville


Peter Pan


Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with


Random thought *So I was thinking that maybe I would start titling my posts after song lyrics... so this is the first in a series.*

Ok so I am torn right now because as much as I love cousin Jen and I want to go with my babies to see her... I feel like I must stay home and do some work for school. I want to see Bren and I know she isn't even going to come upstairs really when she gets here we are just going to unload the car... load the car and they are going to take off. I miss her when she's gone but I guess if I stay I will have a little peace and quiet to try to get at least some of my work done so that I can spend some time with her later. So the plan is this...
1:15- unload car/load car/kiss my baby goodbye
1:30- Read for Masani's class... I have about half of what needs to be read done.
*If I finish Masani's book before bren and the munchkin are back then I guess I am gonna work on some of Hoppe's readings and paper so that I can get a jump start on that... or I will work on my spanish oral quiz that I have tomorrow. I hope I get the easy one... keep your fingers crossed.*
~ whenever... spend some time with my baby maybe play a game of cards or something... play a game with Jessie before bed. Set out her clothes for the morning. Let bren do the nighttime routine so that I can get a little more work done... then I want to make sure that I have some time to spend with bren. Maybe a little more work after that when she will be sleepy and in bed.
~5:30- Bren goes to work
~9:00- Get Jess on bus
~11:15- ready to leave when Bren gets home
~12:40- Meet with my spanish teacher
~2:00- Class with Masani
~5:00- do some work or hang out in the office til I need to get bren
~7:00- Get bren and Jessie from work
Work Work Work

Fun times.... anyway I guess I have too much stuff to do to be sitting on my blog... leave me some love :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Ok... so I am sitting here waiting for Bren to get home so I can head to a full day of oh so exciting classes and I decided that I should blog down some of my thoughts. First we will start with the ever present and important money issue....
~Ok so money wise... I have a little bit right now but not nearly enough to pay all the bills, rent and all the other stuff that comes along with living away from home. I definitly wish that I had more time so that I could get a job and be making a little extra cash to do some of the small fun things in life.... when you add in the price of a babysitter the cost of your evening at least doubles. We definitly could stand to get some groceries in the house. It seems like lately we have been doing a little bit of grocery shopping here and there when we have the money and it is gone before we open the fridge... problem. I know bren is working alot and she needs a little time to relax and I really want to be able to take her out to see rent which she is dying to see or a movie that we both want to see etc. but it just seems like there is never the money to do it and I feel bad about that... she deserves a break. I still have some books that I have to buy for a couple of classes which I think I am going to do today but then again there is more money that I won't have for bills... life is hard in a capatilist society lol... ok on to other thoughts...
~ I feel like i have been neglecting Fag and the activist side of me... you can tell by the address of my blog that this is something that is important to me and my life and I feel like I just haven't been able to do all that I was hoping to do. I was finally getting back on track and i had been to the last 2-3 meetings of fag for the semester but then I ended up having that week and a half of funeral fun which only added up to more time spent on school work etc. I am hoping that I will get to go to the meeting tomorrow but all in all who knows. I feel bad bringing Jess sometimes because as much as everyone says that they don't mind it is a distraction that is for sure plus there is the whole issue of is it fair to her to bring her to a meeting where she is just sitting quietly for an hour or so getting yelled at by me for making too much noise etc. It's not her choice to go and she's 5 you know. Anyway, so I read the enormous amount of emails that I recieve daily from fag and I wonder why I am so out of the loop it is because I am just not as active as I used to be. It's weird because I have 2 classes again this semester that require some sort of project and it was never hard for me to get the hours in and do these projects but now all of a sudden I find myself wondering where I am going to get the time for these things.. and if I am really donating enough of my time and energy to fag to count it... maybe it will help me to make a bigger dedication to the cause.
~Classes. Classes are going alright. It is hard to catch up when you miss that much school. I am a little nervous about a couple of classes... namely nutrition and Masani's class. Masani's class is more because of the fact that she is the chair of my dept and the effort that that class entails.. I am not behind but I feel like the paper I handed in yesterday should have and could have been better. As for nutritian... I just don't like it for one. I mean yes there are certain things that are interesting. Not so bad really but there are so many other things that I am just like... ok why do I care. I mean yes it is important to know what you need to have a healthy diet etc. but then again do I really need to know the why? Do I need to know exactly what happens to protein when it enters my body.. maybe the basics of you need protein for X,Y,Z but how it actually goes about working isn't important to someone that is not in that field nor ever will be. I mean look at it this way. It's not really something that affects my everyday life... as long as I know approximately how much protein I need a day and I come close to that then the inner workings of my body don't seem that important to me... plus I can find this information on the back of any food product... percent daily values is a wonderful thing. Ok so besides the boring argumnent.. because alas there are going to be classes that you would rather die than attend it doesn't help that we learn practically the same material on tuesday in lecture and and on thursday in lab. I am currently three labs behind because of my week and a half miss... I just can't get back on track because I can't figure out the damn program that we learned in lab class while I was out that is the basis of pretty much all labs from here on out... I predict a problem. Not to mention the fact that as far as I am concerned I look at lecture halls as stupid.. it's so impersonal and so pointless... I will walk out of that class probably knowing little more than I walk into it knowing. At least with women's studies the topics are relevent to my everyday life... and the main goal of the curriculum is to make you think for your self not to make you regurgitate everything you memorized back to the teacher for a good grade and then forget it all. At least in Masani's class I know I will walk out of that class having learned something... having been in the presence of greatness and having soaked up all of it's rays. I dont know this is just my little science versus social science rant that i tend to do every so often and i know there are people who would much rather be in the hard sciences and that is what makes the world go round because both sciences are important to our existence and our advancement... just don't expect me to understand it... it's not going to happen. I mean I have never done poorly in the sciences and this class it honestly can be attributed to lack of interest yes but mainly missing as many classes as I did. I mean for me to bullshit my way through a memorization class has never been hard for me it's just been pointless so I guess that is the message I am trying to get across and this my friends is why I think that gen eds or at least some of them are useless... why do I need to bullshit my way through a class where I feel I am not learning anything and walk out of it as empty as I was before when I could be using that time and those credits towards something that is important to me and will effect my life... ahhhhh.... I can't wait to be done with this god forsaken school.

Monday, February 21, 2005


#3 Tracks by Louise Erdrich.... this was a pretty good book. It was required reading for a class but all in all not bad. It's a fictional book about a Native American tribe and the taking over of their land. If this is what interests you I say go for it but if not... then i dont' see it as a must read.

Friday, February 18, 2005


Ok so here is the deal. I really wish I could participate in this 50 books a year thing but alas... I am still a student and I spend most of my time reading for school so although I do not believe I will reach 50 books I am going to blog out the ones I do read anyway. Special rules... I will be counting books for my classes as long as I read them cover to cover.... I think that's only fair. Ok so as of right now this year... it's hard I don't remember what I read right before this year as compared to during but I would say that I am done with about 3.

#1 Lucky by Alice Sebold... this is an amazing book if you can handle the topic I would suggest it to anyone. Very powerful and non-fiction... check it out... she is the author of the Lovely Bones if anyone has read that.

#2 The Good Body by Eve Ensler... Ok all I have to say is it's by Eve Ensler and about half my friends should be running out to either a) buy the book or b) borrow it from me... it's an easy read of course and it is really good.

#3 still to come....

Ok so that is my update for now... I hope all is well with everyone and leave me some love... I hate checking my blog and not having any comments :( makes me feel unloved.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Wake and Funeral

So.... Cousin Jen, Brenda and I were talking last night and we decided that we could all write books about our families like David Sedaris and make a ton of money off of it because the stories are just too good. We were talking about the recent wakes and funerals that we had been to. Well let's break this down one day at a time...
The Wake...
So as usual we were given really bad directions and we had to call my dad at the funeral home god knows how many times. But about 10 phone calls and 2 stops for directions later we finally made it to the funeral home an hour late and in the middle of the mini mass that they were saying. So we wait for the end of the little mass and we walk in... sharon starts crying to dad and mom whisks me up to see grandma. The picture that they used in grandma's coffin was the last one that they took of grandma and grandpa on our porch the last time they came down to White Plains to visit... in one aspect it was nice to see cause it was a great picture... in another aspect it was rather depressing. So mom introduces me to my dad's cousin Pattie... who insists she doesn't know who I am and that we never met... apparently we had. I walk back to where my dad and everybody is and my cousin Jenny walks up to me and my dad. I haven't seen cousin Jenny since her sister Michelle's wedding. At that point I was so little that I wasn't allowed to go to the reception so me and the other kids were home at aunt linda's chilling when Jenny comes in puking and not being able to stand up straight... they told us she was "sick". So first thing Cousin Jenny says to me is... "Hey, I'm not your drunken cousin Jenny anymore" and I told her it was ok... I didn't think of her like that but if she was ready to let go of the title I had no problems picking it up as "Drunken Cousin Lori" lol She told me she knew where aunt linda hid the beer lol. So We're sitting around chatting and shooting the shit with a lot of people that i either don't know at all or barely remember and 5 of the great grandkids are running around the home playing. They bring my cousin Jenny a little cup of water and she starts to drink it... Tim makes her laugh and she spits out the whole cup of water onto the floor in the middle of the funeral home and runs out mortified. (I told you this would make a good story). So then I go outside to have a talk with my father and he says "I have something to tell you... (mind you this is the day before the funeral and I am sitting at a wake)... all the grandkids that are here were put down as Pall Bearers... are you ok with that?" SURE!!!! "But you know Sharon won't do it right?" So maybe a half an hour later... tops Aunt Pam comes over to tell me the same thing about the pall bearers but then she decides to add in that they also need readers.... ahhhhh. She said that grandma would love to have the grandkids as pall bearers because we would out-number the boys and she would just love that. So long story made short (well not really) I got out of the reading because I had a really bad cough but I said ok to the pall bearer position. Ok so... fastforward to the time to leave the wake... My family couldn't handle it... to be expected but damn I mean we were probably in there at least a good half hour longer than we were supposed to be because everytime we would make it to the door somebody would turn around and go back.
Fastforward... THE FUNERAL...
Ok so next day... My mom calls me in the morning after I have been up all night long throwing up to see how I was feeling... I told her that I was up all night sick and I wasnt' sure if I should be a pall bearer or not because I felt weak... she told me "Don't worry about it... it's not heavy" so being the grandchild that I am... I said "sure, I'll do it then." We make sure that we are going to get there ontime so we end up being at the church about an hour early... always fun... We waited in the car til mom and dad got there with aunt linda got out said hi to everyone and filed into the church. Everybody got there and the driver came to get the pall bearers... Ok if you are PAID to work with people who are OBVIOUSLY in mourning don't you think you would be nice about it... apparenly not. So we all walk to the back of the church... Uncle Jim took Sharon's place. He looks at all of us and goes... "You girls are Pall Bearers too..." there were three girls and three boys mind you. So the guy directs us to grab on and slide the coffin out.... so we do. we have it almost out of the Hearse and the guy looks at us and says " I want the girls in the middle" (because seeing that I am the youngest grandchild it is obviouse that we are just to small and week to carry anything lol) so the guy looks at Jenny cause she is in front of me and I am in the middle and he tells her "why don't you just trade places with your cousin... or whatever you are" (meaning me). Apparently he did not know that I was a girl.. nice. Ok moving along... people make that mistake all the time... I'm used to it. Apparently the man is sexist but still can not decipher who he should and shouldn't be discriminating against.... lol ironic isn't it. So we switch places and we do our thing... out of the car... into the church... up the stairs and place it on the wheels... we go to roll the coffin up the aisle but alas the church aisle is too small for the coffin and the pall bearers so our sexist leader decides that we should just forget it and just file up to our pew and he would take care of it... so instead of at least letting two of the pall bearers wheel the coffin up to the front of the church he does it with his buddy... interesting but whatever... ok so now all the pall bearers are sitting together on the left side of the church while both my family and my gf are sitting on the other side of the church... (sorry hunny). So grandpa was at the funeral... not at the wake so they decided to open up the coffin for my grandfather in the church and he decides that he is going to stand up out of his wheelchair (something he is not supposed to do) to give grandma a kiss... and there is my dad standing right behind him nervous as hell that grandpa is going to fall into the coffin.... thank god he didn't. So we do the whole catholic ceremony... stand, sit, stand, sit, communion, kneel, stand, sit yeah I think that's it... then we all file out do the pall bearer thing again and we head to the reception... talking to dad at the reception and he's like... well you know grandma wasn't catholic.... and I'm like "Why did we just have a catholic mass then" So as it turns out they gave grandma a full catholic burrial minus the catholic part... she was never baptized but as dad said... they didn't tell the priest that because "he never asked" So I knew grandma wasn't catholic and I was sitting through the whole mass dumbfounded as to why the priest would be saying things like "Our sister Pearl was baptized into christ and to christ she shall return"... I'm just sitting there going... no jackass SHE'S NOT CATHOLIC... but hey whatever floats the family boat I guess... Sin of ommision... lol. anyway so I guess that was my favorite part... My family somehow feels like they tricked god... well if the priest didn't know then god won't know right... I mean hell she had a catholic burrial ... he'll let her in.... :) doesn't put much confidence into that almighty catholic god of yours now does it... how many people do you know that are walking around going... haha I tricked god!! :) Ok well I guess that's all i have to say about this for now but ... if you see god tell him I'm sorry for the cruel joke my family played on :)

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Ok so this is take 2 on the granny post... apparently the blog didn't like it the first time and decided to erase it so here I am out at bren's cousin and I am supposed to be drinking my heart out and instead I am determined to make this work so here it goes.

Rewind Many Years:
So after I got the phone call from dad on thursday night I was sitting around with Bren remembering granny in the good old days and I was telling her all about how grandma and grandpa used to drive down to visit us about once or twice a year and sharon and I would wait for their car to pull up to see what toys they brought for us and help them unload all of the fresh vegetables and stuff they brought from the garden. Then after they got there we would sit around and play rummy for pennies and danny wasn't allowed to play until he was old enough and even then he had to have the permission of his parents to gamble. We weren't allowed to wake grandma up until at least noon (and people wonder where I got it from), and then she would sit around all day drinking her endless cup of coffee ( I don't think I ever saw grandma drink anything but coffee until she got sick.) Coffee with breakfast, lunch and dinner and all times inbetween. And who could forget going up to all of the family reunions which were always held on grandpa's birthday if I remember correctly. Lots of good fun, family and games... such as pin the boobs on the lady!! (yup that's my grandpa for you). Going up and visiting them at the trailer and going fishing in the creek behind their house. Good fun.

Fast forward a couple of years:
Grandma was diagnosed with alzheimers and she started to slip away from us. They kept coming down for their visits and it started... well grandma can't play rummy with us anymore, grandma can't really get dressed by herself anymore. And as it got worse grandpa's true colors showed. I remember dad talking about how it became so obvious in these years just how much grandpa loved grandma. How he tried so hard to take care of her himself but eventually it was futile and he had to put her into the home despite his efforts.... I hate that home. I went to see her there despite my hate of the home and I remember walking in and grandma loved to walk... she immediately grabbed my hand and just started walking around the nurses station over and over again forever. (I think I was her favorite lol... just kidding but I was the baby grandchild). One time I was at the nursing home with Aunt Linda and mom and dad and we were swinging with granny on the swing and aunt linda had warned me to go slow and grandma said "Well you can go faster than that" so I gave a giant kick and grandma looked at aunt linda and said "Will you just shut up!" It became blatently clear that grandma had lost her ability to word things properly. Eventually she broke her hip and she slid so far down hill that she lost her ability to recognize people, talk and walk. It was hard to see her like that.

Fast Forward to Last Weekend:
Dad and mom came up last weekend to see grandpa because he was apparently having mini strokes every day. We all went down to the nursing home and were pleasantly surprised. Not only did we find grandpa to be better than we thought he would be but grandma was wide awake and laughing having a grand old time with everyone there. I hadn't seen her that well in years. She was wide awake and she was so happy to see everyone... she was laughing and for the first time in a while I felt like I was drawn to pay attention to grandma instead of grandpa. I was talking to her pretty much the whole time. Touching her face etc. She was laughing and I swear she said my name... the first words she had said in god knows how long. Now I dont care what anyone else believes... she said my name (more proof that I'm the favorite lol). When it came time for all of us to leave grandma's face just dropped and she seemed to get so depressed. She stopped laughing and just got sad. I think Aunt Anne said it the best. She knew it was her time and she had gotten to see us and she knew it would be the last time. I hope that's true to a degree. Anyway, to be honest I always leave the home feeling more than slightly guilty about the fact that I don't get there near often enough but this was honestly the first time I felt like I should make it there more often for grandma than for grandpa. I know it's weird and I can't explain it.

time to be social... fast forward to the wake and funeral to follow.

Friday, February 04, 2005

hard times

So yeah, I am still up at Brenda's mom's house. The funeral for her grandfather was yesterday and once I got home my dad called to say that grandma passed away. I have a feeling that this is going to be a rough year all around. Can't say I hadn't thought about the fact that grandma and grandpa weren't doing so well but I decided that I could probably handle it because we weren't that close you know... didn't see them too often. Wrong.... was up for a while, reminiced with Bren about shit and tried my best to stay positive. I guess this had to happen sometime the timing just sucked... more to come later.